In some ways it does not seem that this is a new revelation. All believers need times of refreshing, restoration and healing. However, visiting Bethel Church in Redding in February created a fresh beginning place and canvas in my understanding and experience of myself as a Feeler. While I was there the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit began to teach me and show me aspects of who I was and how it was tied into Prophetic Feeling. Now 8 months later as I battle with some of the same levels of fatigue and sadness I can see a cycle and pattern emerging. I would like to share a few of these revelations with you so that you can find greater help and healing as a Feeler or facilitate healing for the Feelers you know.
The power and presence of God is strong at Bethel. You can sense the power and presence of God even as you turn onto the road to drive a half mile up to the main parking lot. It is rather fun to plug into that atmosphere as a Feeler, because you can feel the HS and you can feel so many things coming alive into another higher dimension. I am not sure even how to describe it. It just feels like colors and life are exploding and breaking out everywhere. The second day I was there I was in worship and the Father showed me a picture of myself as hundreds of little teacups set out in spiraled circles. Each cup was beautiful with an intricate design and each cup was half filled with brackish black water. He told me that the cups represented the little receivers in my being and body. He showed me that the cells of my body each had a feeler receiver attached to them. Then with the picture he taught me that my cells and these receivers had a memory bank (if you will) in them and that right now all they could remember and all they were full of was the grief, pain and struggle I had been through in the last few months. This was represented by the brackish water in them.
Standing in the rich atmosphere of Bethel and worship I was able to see and understand that my feeler receivers were full up with these painful and heavy emotions and sensations yet realize that not all of my experiences in the last few months were heavy and painful. I had gone through so much troubling and hard things that my feeler receivers and their memory banks were dominated by experiences and the therefore the default setting or sense of feeling was a heavy sadness.
*Let me say at this point that I understand there can be other physical and psychological factors such as depression or grief that can lead to any person living with a default feeling of sadness in seasons. I respect and understand these other factors but here I am focusing on dynamics unique to Feelers.*
Once the Father had shown and taught me the little teacups filled with brackish water, I asked him to wash out and renew my feeler receivers and reset my memory banks to remember heaven and His love more than anything else. It took three days but that is what He did! In many times of worship and just being in his presence I had to choose to let go of the heavy feelings and offered them up to the Father to wash away. The Holy Spirit and the Father gave me multiple times of soaking and experiencing his presence. He reminded me of his love and his dedication and faithfulness towards me and his delight in who he had made me to be.
Through this experience I have understood how important it is for Feelers to find times of refreshing to remember and experience the goodness of God, the goodness of life and the simple and beautiful things. Faith is not based in our feelings but as Feelers intense and extended times of grief, pain or hardship can lead us to having our default settings reset to sadness so that darkness seems more real and powerful than Kingdom hope and light.
